This life has it’s own pace. You are both completely in control and yet not at all. You can focus on where you have it or where you don’t. I recommend the former. This morning I walked the field in the opposite direction as usual. I had lots of thoughts on the way down that […]
Frustration, fear, beauty, discovery, freedom, discipline, self-destruction, healing; fuck this has been the most intense time. From all control and lots of loneliness to feeling like there is not any control yet the loneliness still lingers – though I am with him. I know I have to try harder. I know better than to let […]
Sometimes I can’t sleep. Maybe this has gone on for years. He and I share one thing. We hate being inside. Tonight I went outside with the new computer and tinkered. It feels good. The sounds of the country waking up sooth me almost as much as the ocean. Truth. Maybe more. The feeling of […]
It has taken me almost four solid weeks to get my head straight. Fear has been my constant enemy and I nearly drowned in a cacophony of thoughts. Do I have to let go? What am I letting go of? Is accepting dangerous? Why let go of something I put so much work into? What […]
I could not look into my dog’s eyes because just the pleading expression itself was too much to handle. It was like a mirror to my soul imploring the world to look into my eyes and recognize how to help. At the height, I was barely able to crawl under my desk to plug in […]
This morning, apart from a grumbly belly, the calm is most significant. I leapt out of bed because I recalled I wanted to get to the beach early to “sneak” in a walk. But then I made coffee and sat in this fabulous chair, tried to find a book to read, and listened to Kiki’s […]
Oh, the silence. Almost – save the din of cars traveling on the freeway. It poured rain last night and when I woke up the mist in the air smelled divine. I thought it might be worth it to crawl out of bed and walk out into it. But I did not – the walk […]
The ladybug was on a balloon I found on the beach. Again a calling to the mysterious quest to eradicate stupid balloons killing ocean creatures. And it made sense. Since the design of the ring was based on the nymph rising. From freshwater in this case… cause I did indeed rise from freshwater. However, the […]
I live in paradise. And I have to make a choice between this paradise and a different format of paradise. Both have their considerations. Here (south) is lush with amenities, and noise and people and loneliness. There (north) is lush with frogs chirping, stars in the sky and daily affirmations of connection. Enough said there, […]
It’s time to take a walk around town again. Loose ends are as tied up as is possible. Trust in the journey. And be patient. This is a time I do not want to forget or have fade in memory. “We are here and we are not broke.” He said. How many damn years went […]