What it takes to build a house.

I am literally and figuratively so damn hungry.

Last night I was scared enough to pull out a switchblade and put it by my bed.

I put all I had into building this house only to land here. One month and. 1000% behind what I had built for myself.

So where from here? Tomato soup with some Swiss cheese. A lovely cane corsi rottie mix watching for me at the end of my bed. Cold. And in need of a hot shower.

Chain watching movies bc it takes my head out of things. Writing because it might take my head into things in the right way.

All this was triggered by some violent encounters that triggered a trauma response in me.

I cannot tell if fight or flight is worse. Explore is better.

Trying to recover. Had another violent experience this morning but my trauma response is so spent I just took it and moved on.

Reading a post just now and drinking enough wine I realize my story is much larger. Perhaps my “professional development” does not just boil down to a well written resume and 100K job and that Claude just scared me into thinking so.

Let’s not get into that part.

I may just need to do what I need to do.

I have been gifted (somehow) to have worked with some of the most amazing people in the world. Maybe that book is just a chapter about each one.

My life has been a journey of drifting through the lives of others. Save the time I was a maestro. That is I just taught horses and horse riders how to get along best they could while achieving goals, sometimes of which were more my own than theirs. Such is the disease of being a coach.