Remembering TODAY Sept 14th – 2021

I don’t even have a picture but may take one in the morning.

It is mark-ed just how much my attitude and, especially, my self-judgment has changed.

I am in Carlsbad (yes the dreaded Carlsbad) and am perfectly content camping where I can hear the ocean pounding on the bluffs. I am dirty. My nails are a mess, my face is a mess, my toe has an infected gash. And I nearly fully have ignored getting in touch with any of my “so-called” friends right away. The I that lived here before has clearly left the building. So the statement that “Ali Lovejoy” died on a small pot farm in northern california is perfectly correct.

I don’t care how I look to people at the moment. What matters is how I feel. The ocean puts me at such great ease. Money doesn’t matter excepting use it to create experiences that bring your joy.

My body wants to go to sleep for the first time in several days and I want to let it.

But I had to at least leave this note. That elusive happiness I’ve been pining over. It’s here today – even in all my goofiness… and it does not feel amazing to be here as it did before – with some strange gaping hole in that happiness. This is simple, pure adoration of solitude by the sea. xxoxxo.

Oh = yeah the arrogance and neg attitude against everything has particularly softened. In terms of what I tolerate vs what I appreciate. I am appreciating a good bit more.